Midlife Confidence Lab

Decluttering in Midlife: How Clearing Your Space Rebuilds Calm and Confidence - #19

• Midlife Confidence Coach | Kristin Hamilton • Season 1 • Episode 19

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Decluttering in midlife is about far more than getting rid of stuff. It’s about nervous system regulation and rebuilding calm, confidence, and self-trust during a season of identity change.

In this episode of Midlife Confidence Lab, Kristin explores how physical clutter affects your nervous system, emotional regulation, and sense of self - especially for women in midlife who feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or like something in their life no longer fits.

Using a relatable story about seasonal decorating, letting go, and moving forward after a difficult chapter, Kristin breaks down why clutter creates stress at a biological level - and how clearing your space can create a felt sense of safety, clarity, and confidence.

You’ll learn:

  • Why clutter dysregulates the nervous system and increases mental fatigue
  • How decluttering in midlife supports emotional healing and identity shifts
  • The connection between environment, self-trust, and confidence
  • Why letting go of physical items often mirrors letting go of old roles and patterns
  • Practical, gentle decluttering strategies that don’t overwhelm your system
  • A simple nervous-system regulation practice you can use while decluttering
  • How clearing space helps you step into the next chapter of midlife with intention

This episode is for women navigating midlife transitions - including empty nesting, divorce, reinvention, or the quiet feeling that life needs to feel lighter and more aligned.

If you’ve been craving calm, clarity, and confidence - not through hustle or pressure, but through creating space - this episode will help you see decluttering as an act of self-care, regulation, and identity renewal.

✨ Journal Prompt:
 What am I holding onto - in my space or in myself - that no longer supports who I’m becoming?

🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/MidlifeConfidenceLab

🎧 Follow Midlife Confidence Lab on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. And share this episode with a friend who you would like to help.

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📌 Leave a review, then email us a screenshot at midlifeconfidencelab@gmail.com and we will send you a beautiful free digital journal to help you work through some of your thoughts and get some clarity about what you truly want out of your life.

🎵 Theme Music: Home by Vlad Gluschenko @vladest_art — Home

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

Kristin:

Welcome back to Midlife Confidence Lab, where we make boldness feel natural, decisions feel doable, and self-trust and confidence feel like home. I'm your host, Kristin Hamilton, a certified life coach helping midlife women who are in their what's next chapter of life. I am so glad you're here. Today we are talking about decluttering on many different levels. This is going to be a decluttering deep dive. Love me some alliteration. We will go over the nervous system science behind why clutter can feel so overwhelming, the energetic and identity level shifts that happen when we let things go. Practical, tangible ways to clear your space. I'll also share a personal story about how decluttering once helped me move through a really difficult period of my life, not because it fixed anything, but because it gave me room to breathe again. Because decluttering isn't about stuff, it's about space. And space, physically, emotionally, energetically, has everything to do with how safe, calm, confident, and clear we feel. Welcome to the lab. Now let's dive in. I love Christmas decorating. I love pulling everything out, putting it all up with my kids, creating that warm, cozy feeling in my home. It feels festive and nostalgic and comforting and truly alive. It feels all the things. And I love living inside that cozy little atmosphere for a while. And then without fail, there comes a moment, usually a couple weeks later, sometimes sooner, where I suddenly feel it in my body, not as a thought, but as a feeling. And it's like, okay, this has been lovely. And now I want it gone. Nothing dramatic has happened, nothing is wrong, but something in me is just asking for space. Almost like my system is asking for relief. For years I completely ignored that signal, or I would judge it. Why can't I just enjoy this? Why does this suddenly feel like too much? Why do I feel restless? Why does this feel like clutter? And now I understand something very different is happening. And that is what I want to talk about today. What I've come to understand is this that feeling isn't about decorations, it's about capacity. And capacity, whether it's emotional, cognitive, nervous system capacity, is something many women in midlife are unknowingly living beyond. So let's get something clear right away. Decluttering is not about becoming a minimalist. It's not about aesthetics. And it's definitely not about moralizing the less is better concept. Decluttering is about regulation. In our younger days, we tolerate more noise. We're building, we're accumulating and surviving, improving and caregiving. And our systems are just used to being on. Midlife has a way of making us suddenly notice things that we used to tolerate. And that could be a whole episode on that statement alone. But moving on. Stuff we have walked past for years. There's rooms that feel heavy instead of comforting. There are closets filled with versions of ourselves that we aren't any longer. So midlife changes the question. It's no longer, how much can I handle? And it now becomes what actually supports me now. Old belongings might suddenly feel heavy. Commitments feel draining. Clutter feels intolerable. And you crave simplicity, but can't explain why. This is not about you being too sensitive or suddenly incapable of handling your life. In midlife, as women, we experience a nervous system that's already been running hot for decades. We've been managing children, relationships, careers, emotional work, caregiving, expectations, sometimes grief, responsibility fatigue. And then you add in hormonal changes and often life transitions and identity shifts, and your system becomes less tolerant of that background noise. What you used to tolerate, you now feel. So when your home starts to feel cluttered, what's often happening isn't just irritation, it's overstimulation. Your nervous system is saying, there is too much input. I need less. And this is why decluttering can feel so regulating. See, your system isn't broken. This is this is your nervous system doing its job. It's responding to constant stimulation. When our physical environment is visually loud or emotionally charged, it doesn't just annoy us, it dysregulates us. Your nervous system is constantly scanning your environment for safety or a threat or predictability or overwhelm. And this happens underneath our conscious awareness. We don't know we're doing it, but we are. So every object in your space sends information to your brain. And each one is processed. Not consciously, of course, but neurologically. This needs attention. That represents a responsibility. This holds a memory. That is unfinished. This belongs to a version of me that no longer exists. It can be subtle, but it adds up this visual clutter. We have unfinished projects, we have piles, we have cluttered surfaces, we have items that are tied to unresolved emotions. Your brain reads all of these inputs as open loops, ongoing demand, things not resolved, things needing attention. And when there are too many open loops, your nervous system starts to shift into a low-grade stress response. Nothing dramatic, just subtly activated, just enough to keep you slightly on edge. So this visual noise is creating what is referred to as cognitive load, which I think of as overload. Cognitive load keeps the nervous system slightly activated. It sort of taxes your memory and it just reduces your brain's ability to rest. And when the nervous system never fully rests, then we lose clarity and we lose confidence. And if your environment is too visually dense, too, too cluttered, or too emotionally loaded or too disorganized, your nervous system never fully powers down. So that doesn't mean that you're in crisis, but it does mean that you're rarely at rest. And a nervous system that never fully rests has consequences. We've talked about these in a few different episodes. You have lower clarity, you have less patience, you have reduced confidence, you have difficulty making decisions, you have a constant sense that something is just off. This is why decluttering can feel emotional even when you don't expect it to. So when we remove physical items, we're not just clearing space. We are reducing sensory input. We have fewer visual signals, fewer demands, fewer decisions that have to be made. And your nervous system responds with relief. You might notice that you're breathing more deeply, your shoulders drop, your mind feels quieter. And that is not a coincidence. That is regulation. And midlife is a time where this becomes especially pronounced because midlife isn't an adding phase. It's more about we're refining in midlife. We start shedding roles, we start shedding expectations and obligations and identities and habits that used to make sense but don't anymore. And our physical environment is often the first place where this shows up. When your nervous system can't settle, your confidence drops because confidence requires access to clarity and choice and self-trust, all of which live inside a regulated nervous system. So when we declutter, we aren't just cleaning. We're sending a signal of safety. We're telling our system there is space here. You can exhale. You are safe. Because clutter isn't just taking up space, it's taking up energy. Clutter often represents the past, some items that hold emotional residue, old versions of yourself, old roles and expectations that you no longer agree with, sometimes guilt or obligation, the feeling of, oh, I should want this. Maybe things you once needed or thought you should be, or maybe planned to become. Maybe letting something go is more about a completion. We already said that objects hold stories and identities and versions of us that may no longer be alive, whether emotionally or relationally or spiritually. When you're in a growth period of becoming someone more, as we've all been discussing so much throughout this whole podcast, when your identity is shifting, your nervous system is already working to recalibrate. But keeping too many physical reminders of who you used to be can feel destabilizing, even if you can't really articulate why. So letting go then becomes a signal, not just to your home, but to your body, to yourself that you are safe to move forward. And that can feel really grounding. When you have this clutter and you have this need to get rid of it, you're not being dramatic and you're not failing at being able to handle life. You are responding intelligently to a system that wants clarity and safety in space. When people talk about energy in a vague way, it can feel really meaningless. So let's ground this in some psychology here. Energetically speaking, your space is an extension of your internal state. Objects don't just occupy physical space, they occupy psychological bandwidth. So think of it this way: your attention is a finite resource. Your nervous system is constantly allocating this resource. Clutter pulls attention, even passively. And attention is energy. So when we say clutter drains energy, what we really mean is it fragments your attention. It keeps the nervous system too alert and it prevents this integration within your nervous system. Midlife is often the first time women realize that they no longer want to live that fragmented life. There's a layer to decluttering that I mentioned, but I want to go into a little bit deeper. Sometimes the reason we avoid decluttering isn't laziness, it's grief. Letting go can feel like admitting that this chapter is over. Or that version of me didn't make it. Or that life I imagined isn't happening. But decluttering isn't erasing your past. It's honoring it and choosing not to live inside of it. There was a time in my life, a really difficult time, where I felt emotionally heavy and stuck and disconnected from myself. It was a time where things had ended, namely my marriage and therefore my entire way of being in the world. So much had shifted and fallen apart in ways I didn't expect. And inside I was carrying grief and anger and confusion and a whole lot of unfinished emotional business. And my home reflected that. I remember one day standing in my room and realizing that my space still reflected a version of me who no longer existed. There were items that were tied to memories that I didn't want to relive. There were items that were tied to relationships that had ended, or things that I was keeping because I felt guilty getting rid of them. Things that belonged to a life I was trying to move on from, a version of myself I was trying to outgrow, but physically couldn't because it was all still there. I realized that my environment was keeping me emotionally tethered to the past. So I started decluttering, not to erase the memories, but to complete them. And I didn't do this aggressively. It was, it was not all at once, but it was intentional. And something surprised me. As I cleared my physical space, I felt emotional relief. As I released objects, I released attachment and I slowly started to heal. So each item became this quiet conversation of does this belong in my present life? Does this support who I am now and who I'm becoming? Or am I keeping out of fear or guilt or habit or grief of what I lost? And as my space cleared, something shifted inside me. My environment became calmer and my nervous system followed. I slept better, I felt calmer, I stopped ruminating as much, not because decluttering fixed me, but because my nervous system finally had room to settle. It wasn't about starting over, it was about honoring that a chapter had closed and allowing myself to live like it had. This is something you can do when you start to feel that overwhelm. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four. Exhale through your mouth for a count of six. And then do that two more times. After you've done that, gently look around the room you're in. And without judgment, notice one thing that feels calming and one thing that feels slightly irritating or heavy. And you're just noticing here awareness without judgment helps you regulate. Now let's transition this into action. Let's make this doable. Decluttering does not require a full weekend. It does not require color-coded bins, and it is not about becoming a minimalist. Instead, we're gonna try some practical things. Number one, let go of someday. Someday keeps energy suspended. Live in the now. If you're not using it now, do you really need it? Does it support your life now? Number two, work in short windows. 15 to 30 minutes can do so much because your nervous system can stay regulated in that period of time. Then you can take a break and then come back to it. Number three, choose one small category, not a room, a category, one drawer, one surface, one shelf. Clear one visible surface. Until you get into a rhythm, completion matters more than volume. Eventually you will start to feel the energy shift, and then it'll be a lot easier from that point. Number four, start where your body notices tension, not where you feel like you should start, but look around and what causes you tension. Where do you feel a contraction? Then do you clutter that space? You're looking for calm, you're looking for spacious and grounded and this alive feeling. Number five, ask your body, not your head. You're gonna use the body test. Hold the item, notice your body before your thoughts. Is there tightness? Is there relief? Do you feel neutral? Is it nourishing? Is it draining? That can tell you everything about where this particular item should go. Number six, release without drama. If you're letting something go, you can think it if that helps, or don't. Either way is fine. Don't overthink it, just do it. And number seven, stop early. Regulation matters more than completion in the early stages. Stop before you are frustrated. And it is okay to create a pause box. You don't have to decide everything today, but do set a revisit date on your calendar and trust yourself that you will follow through on revisiting it on that date. Small wins teach your nervous system that letting go is safe. So every time you remove something that no longer fits your life, you reinforce self trust. You practice choosing now over then. And that is confidence. It's alignment. It's the knowing that you are allowed to evolve and you are allowed to rearrange your life accordingly. Your space should reflect who you are now and becoming, not who you were when you were trying to survive. And decluttering isn't just physical. It's also letting go of old narratives. It's releasing expectations that no longer fit, ending relationships with outdated versions of yourself or outdated versions of other people that no longer serve you. Sometimes it can be rewriting your internal rules, rethinking how you want to be in the world. You can ask yourself, what am I still carrying? Because I haven't given myself permission to change. You don't need to overhaul your whole life. You just need to create room for yourself inside of your life. So as always, I want to offer a few journaling prompts. Number one, where in my life do I crave more space? Whether it's physically or emotionally. Number two, where does my environment feel overstimulating? Number three, what am I holding on to out of obligation rather than alignment? Number four, what would feel lighter if I allowed it to be complete? And here's a simple practice. Clear one small space today. Notice how you feel afterward. Not what you accomplished, but how your body responds. And as we wrap up, I want to bring this full circle. Decluttering and confidence both begin in the same place with regulation. When your nervous system feels overwhelmed, it looks for control. It holds on to objects and patterns and relationships and identities, not because they're aligned, but because they're familiar. And when you regulate, even just a little bit, something shifts. You create space in your body, and that space becomes clarity. Clarity becomes choice. And choice is where confidence is born. Every drawer you clear, every object you release, every moment you pause instead of react, you are practicing self-trust. You're proving to yourself that you can create safety from within. And over time, that changes how you see yourself. You stop asking, who am I supposed to be now? And you start living into the answer. So decluttering becomes an act of identity. And regulation becomes the way of relating to your identity and your life. Remember that a regulated nervous system supports clear decision making and emotional resilience and assertiveness and trusting yourself. When your outer world matches your inner truth and your values, your confidence stabilizes. Remember, you are not getting rid of your life. You are making room for the next version of it. So before we close, let's take a moment together. Wherever you are, let your shoulders soften, let your jaw soften, take a slow breath in through your nose, and a longer breath out through your mouth. You don't need to fix anything right now. You don't need to decide anything. Just notice this. You showed up for yourself today, and that's what matters. Midlife confidence isn't about having it all figured out. It's about learning how to regulate your nervous system and how to trust your choices and how to release what no longer fits. And you can do this just one small moment at a time. As you move through the rest of your day, I want you to ask yourself what choice feels just a little bit more like me? And what space do I want to create for me? You don't need a full plan. You just need your next true step. And if you're feeling the urge to clear space right now in your home, your calendar, your relationships, your expectations, trust that. You're not just organizing your life, you are making room for the woman you're becoming. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another woman in your life. And until next time, stay curious and keep playing and experimenting in life. And remember, trust the woman you're becoming. She is done playing small. Choose bold, choose aligned, choose the life you want to live. Love you. Bye-bye. Hey, real quick before you go, if you know something needs to change, but you're feeling stuck and don't want to navigate this part alone, I have a few spots open for my five-day challenge. It's not a course, it's not a group, it is simple. One short, focused, and personalized conversation a day for five days. Talk through things in real time and get support to clarify your next step. Trust yourself and move forward with confidence. No pressure, no hype, just grounded support for a very real moment in your life. You'll know if this feels right for you. If it does feel fine, we're just gonna keep things super personalized, super simple. You can email me at midlifeconfidencelab at gmail.com or DM me on Instagram at midlife confidence lab and let me know you're interested in the five day challenge, and we will go from there. See you back here next time. Bye bye.

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Kristin Hamilton

Host